Managers' Meeting

Our new Zonal Manager has arrived. He is Mr. Goyal. He is short of height, pot bellied and talkative person. He has a few strands of hair left on his bald head and that’s the reason of his being nicknamed The Baldy. Some members of office staff call him the Takla out of love and affection. These nicknames are confidential you please keep it that way. He is new to our Zonal Office and therefore introductory meeting was fixed for all officials on Monday.

As you are also aware most of the meetings are one-way traffic – executive barks about schemes, marketing strategies, targets etc and you listen to him without raising questions, doubts about strategy, shortage of staff or infrastructure. You listen faithfully, keep your diary page open and write a few key words or keep doodling. When he glances towards you, force a smile & nod as if you have understood the best speaker in the world. As soon as the glance goes away to another chap slowly exhale & come back to normal self. Here Pranayam is of great help better learn it.

The Baldy was generous with expenditure on the meeting. So you can have high-tea twice during the day, expensive stationery items & sumptuous  lunch with beer & butter chicken included. Do enjoy this beer festival even if you are not enjoying the meeting.

In such meetings there is ever smiling Mr. Narula, the next man to ZM The Baldy. Duty of Mr. Narula is to help jack-up the image of every Saab as having achieved such and such fantastic business results that everyone present in the meeting must be awestruck. Every participant of the meeting must  emulate the new Zonal Manager. Mr. Narula has the knack of Chamchagiri which has prevented his transfers for years. Anyways some excerpts from the meeting are given below. 

Assistants

(1) Mr. Narula : Sir on behalf of all participants I welcome you to our Zonal Office. Sir we have heard          lot of success stories from your previous posting at Jhumri Talaiyya, Thailand.

      -Wot Mr. Narula? It is In India. Jhumri is in India.

(2) The Baldy: When I was posted in Jhumri Talaiyya I increased the business by 45%. Your figures are        too low here–shocking to me in fact. You have to go for 45%.

     -Sir competition is very hot here.

    -Wot? Better pack up your luggage. You may be cooling your heels in  the hills.

               

(3) The Baldy: When I was posted at Jhumri Taliyya they said there is no scope. I increased by 45%.

     -Sir there is lot of scope here. All we need is a few more hands Sir.

     -Wot? One needs only two hands, better pack up your luggage.

  

 (4) The Baldy: When I was at Jhumri Talaiyya I did door to door canvassing. You see business                       increased  by 45%.

      -Sir size & number of doors is very large here.

      -Wot? Another lame excuse, better pack up your luggage.

(5) The Baldy -When I was at Jhumri Talaiya I ensured punctuality very strictly. I wish to continue

      the same here.

      -Sir what about punctuality in the evening time? Can we leave at 8 pm sir?

      -You don’t want to work – do you? Better pack up your luggage.

 (6) The Baldy: Now tell me wot is meant by a customer?

       -A customer is a king sir.

       -A customer is queen sir just like Mamta or Sonia.

       -Saab customer is our maai baap just like you sir!

      -Shaab cushtomer is one who gives us cusht!

      -Haa! Mr Ganguly all your ‘cusht’ will be gone. Better pack up your luggage.

(7) The Baldy: Everyone has to achieve the business target at any cost.

      -Sir your wish is our command.

      -Yes sir!

      -Bilkul sir!

      - Sir your word is word of God.

      -I am not God Mr. Narula. 

      -But now we have become your Bhakt sir. Tussi kirpa rakhna. We are so impressed with                 business growth at Jhumri Talaiyya sir!

The meeting ended with a vote of thanks and no-thanks to the Takla Boss by Mr. Chamcha Narula.